you will dream of him, more often
than you try to think of him
in your waking hours
you have never really looked at
his eyes, but in your dreams
they will stare at you and
see your soul
“i want to make you happy”
like a song that plays
over and over again
this broken record you will always
hear “i want to make you happy”
you dont know which is more haunting –
his laughter or the shadow of his promises
or the fact that he’s now ignoring you
you laugh at yourself and you try to think:
stupid, you’re just one of his girls
you were just… someone
some hours you will find yourself
thinking of him and getting mad
at yourself – of course
he shouldn’t be blamed
he told you right?
“dont expect”
it was all but a harmless hot day
fling, nothing more but probably less
what you and him were all but nothing
that existed through the phone —
at least it was fun while it lasted.
you will not tell anyone but
you recorded your phone calls
just a little reminder that for a series
of 12-minute calls, he was real
he was real.
you like him -gods, you do
but not because of what he is
and what his name means
you like him because of his
voice, which you always tease him about
you like him because of his
reactions, those little “i hate you”s
he’d say with an imagined pout
you like him because he makes
you happy without even trying hard
you like him because of the way he’d
reassure you, “i’ll catch you when you fall”
dammit, you fell — and no one was there.
but no, no you are not blaming him
he is peter, and you were once his chosen wendy
he will always be up there flying,
while you are here, in the real world
silencing sadness with the knowledge that
for a while, he flew you high
he is peter, and he will only fly
higher and higher, with someone who can be
more than the wendy you were
he is peter, and he brought you
to neverland, with promises of something
more than you have ever experienced
he is peter, and you always knew he
was too good to be true
he is peter, and you, never having experienced being wendy
let yourself believe
he is peter, and your time as wendy is up
you have to go back down
you wish he let go gently though.
he is peter, and you will always
just be the once chosen wendy
at least for a while, you were wendy
he is peter, and he will never fly you again.
This Side of The Road 