Once Wendy

you will dream of him, more often

than you try to think of him

in your waking hours

you have never really looked at

his eyes, but in your dreams

they will stare at you and

see your soul

“i want to make you happy”

like a song that plays

over and over again

this broken record you will always

hear “i want to make you happy”

you dont know which is more haunting – 

his laughter or the shadow of his promises

or the fact that he’s now ignoring you

you laugh at yourself and you try to think:

stupid, you’re just one of his girls

you were just… someone

some hours you will find yourself

thinking of him and getting mad

at yourself – of course  

he shouldn’t be blamed

he told you right?

“dont expect”

it was all but a harmless hot day

fling, nothing more but probably less

what you and him were all but nothing 

that existed through the phone —

at least it was fun while it lasted.

you will not tell anyone but

you recorded your phone calls

just a little reminder that for a series

of 12-minute calls, he was real

he was real.

you like him -gods, you do

but not because of what he is

and what his name means

you like him because of his

voice, which you always tease him about

you like him because of his 

reactions, those little “i hate you”s

he’d say with an imagined pout

you like him because he makes

you happy without even trying hard

you like him because of the way he’d

reassure you, “i’ll catch you when you fall”

dammit, you fell — and no one was there.

but no, no you are not blaming him

he is peter, and you were once his chosen wendy

he will always be up there flying,

while you are here, in the real world

silencing sadness with the knowledge that 

for a while, he flew you high

he is peter, and he will only fly

higher and higher, with someone who can be

more than the wendy you were

he is peter, and he brought you

to neverland, with promises of something

more than you have ever experienced

he is peter, and you always knew he 

was too good to be true

he is peter, and you, never having experienced being wendy

let yourself believe 

he is peter, and your time as wendy is up

you have to go back down

you wish he let go gently though.

he is peter, and you will always

just be the once chosen wendy

at least for a while, you were wendy

he is peter, and he will never fly you again.

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Author: Aria

I write to express, not to impress.

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