Your “Academic Debate” is My Life and Rights

It started with me getting outed without my consent.

The announcement came out of nowhere and it took me by surprise. It was followed up by “You should be proud that you’re bisexual,”. I tried to fend it off by saying that I was just thinking of my crush, but deep inside, I was both angry and heartbroken.

It will never be a matter of how proud I am of my identity. It will always be about how safe I feel when I say it.

Straights don’t understand how utterly devastating being outed without your consent feels. It’s never about hiding who I am. I am bisexual, and I will always be proud of that. But for it to be announced out loud, without my consent, in a group of basically strangers, is to hijack my story and steal my voice. It will never be your story to tell.

Your attempts at making me feel proud of being who I am just ends with me feeling unsafe. It took me years of denial, self-hate, and disgust before I can finally accept myself. Coming out of the closet was something I worked the courage for for years, and for you to force me to say it out loud is to invalidate the struggles that come with it, and as triumphant coming out you assume feels, the need for safety will always be above victory. Has it ever crossed your mind that the reason I do not just disclose that information is because I don’t feel safe?

When I got trapped inside that “debate” on whether the SOGIE Bill should be passed and whether same sex marriage should be legalized, one thing just kept going on inside my head: your – all of you – arguments reek of privilege.

The outing, the ability to reduce a conversation on whether the LGBT community – myself included – should be granted rights to “This is just academic debate”, to claiming that the SOGIE bills “usurps the rights of the straights”: it all revolves around the fact that you stand on a podium of privilege, backed by the security that you are the “’majority’ anyway”.

I had so many thoughts while I was listening to your “arguments”, and as much I wanted to scream out loud by answers, the hurt overpowered my ability to articulate. I will never, ever forget hearing, “Convince us [that the LGBT/you deserve the rights you’re asking for]”, “Bakit gusto nila mag-adjust ang society sa kanila minority man sila?”, or “We’re giving you the benefit of the doubt by listening to you,”. That day will always remind me how far we still have to go, and how very disappointing the people you admire and respect could be.

You were caught up in your “academic” discussion you forgot I was there – a member of the LGBT you just outed half an hour ago – listening to you go on and on about straight rights getting stepped on, how same sex marriage is unnecessary because “there are legal instruments” they can opt for, the contempt and disgust in your voice as you complain how we should be contented with the acceptance society grants us and not ask for more anymore, how there are no customs that allow same sex marriages anyway, how even animals can distinguish sex – you forgot I was a human being listening to you spill your guts at how you view me and everyone else like me. And you had the audacity to reason out “This is just academic debate” and “You’re too emotional” when I said how it was getting frustrating listening to all of you. Of course, it’s personal for me. Your academic debate is my life and rights. How dare you assume I can just detach from the issue?

Your privilege has blinded you. Your supposed intellectualism has given you excuse to hash out traumatizing “opinions”. And please, your ‘I do not agree to same sex marriage because mas marami na ngang babae kesa lalaki, makipagkumptensya pa gid sila. Direct injury na sa akon,’ “joke” (if it even is) isn’t funny at all – it absolutely reeks of homophobia and delusion.

 “Direct injury” is a double-bladed weapon when it comes to this: either you say you actually get directly affected when the LGBT is given their rights, or you say that since it does not affect you at all, you’ll just not do anything at all. Your privilege allows you to say “Let things be” without doing anything. It gives you the freedom to stay back from the situation. We don’t have that option.

No one ever got killed for being straight, yet you had the audacity to say the discrimination we experience is “sensationalized” since “Vice Ganda is popular and has many fans”. For supposedly smart people, this level of rationalization is insulting.

Yes, I am on full on offense mode now. I am hurt beyond explanation. I am even more hurt that when I cried in the midst of all your hurtful remarks, I felt the need to apologize. I am glad I did not though, for then I would have to apologize waking up in the middle of the night to cry myself to sleep again.

Your lack of empathy and non-existent sense of allyship is a grating manifestation of your privilege. Your revolting feelings on our fight for basic human rights is a testament on how used you are to it – feels so good to be the norm, doesn’t it, that the mere thought of granting the “minority” the basic rights you enjoy feels oppressive.

And while I am always an advocate of giving everyone an avenue to express their opinions, your homophobic degrading opinions will not have a place in my space. I refuse to respect an opinion that is a blatant denial of my rights. I refuse to respect an opinion founded on hate and ignorance. I refuse to be reduced to a mere motion for debate, my identity and existence dismissed as you flaunt your supposed debate prowess.

Pray tell, what is the point of you having memorized the Bill of Rights if the only time you cite “equal protection clause” is in class, and refuse to acknowledge it outside of the academe? I do not care if you can recite the totality of the Constitution or if you have memorized all Codes by heart because as long as you dehumanize us as you treat us as mere subject for discussion, I will never acknowledge your legal skills and abilities. What’s the point of your perfect scores if you fail to see how the “majority” and your heteronormative-driven society is (quite literally) killing the “minority” that is me and my community? If your brilliance is limited inside the classroom, then keep it. I refuse to participate in your intellectual circlejerk.

And maybe, before you try to repeatedly claim that the Anti-Discrimination Bill is usurping your rights, actually know what SOGIE stands for. Yes, I refuse to enlighten you. You’re a smart lot, aren’t you? Figure it out on your own.

PS:

I hope your gay, lesbian, and trans friends know that you think they’re entertaining and fun, but heaven forbid their basic human rights are given to them.