things you know when you’re damaged

I know anchors, heavy chains,
Dead weights.
I know burden.
I know shame.
I know weakness.
I know empty promises
“i’ll be better next time”
“it’ll be different this time around”
I know disappointment.
Mirrors don’t have to tell me much.
I look at hands, at shirts,
I look at thighs, at folds.
I look at space that aren’t supposed to be occupied.
I know excesses
The same way I know deficit.
I know more.
I know mess.
I know less.
Becoming less, and less.
Even less.
I know emptiness.
I know fullness.
I know how to not know
I know knowing.
Existence so keen I can’t keep up
Voids so deep I don’t even want to try.
I know weary.
I know tired.
I know.
I know.