I’m Not Her

 

Looking at your smile hurts.

 

I’ve been staring at you for the last half hour or so, just following you around, trying to get a glimpse of your face. Not that you know; I’m too scared to even think about how you would react when you discover what I’m doing. But it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters but that smile.

 

But looking at it hurts.

 

Do you have any idea how you look when you are happy? It’s like looking at the sky opening up for a downpour of sweet, sweet rain after a drought.. it’s like seeing the stars when you look up at the night sky after a week of rain.. the way your face just lifts up, the way your eyes crinkle and twinkle, the way those lips turn up for that smile..

 

Looking at your smile hurts, because I know I’m not the reason behind it.

 

I want a glimpse of the smile she gives you because I know that’s something I couldn’t give. I cant make you look at me the way you look at her. I cant make you hold my hand as tightly as you hold her’s. I cant make you wrap your arms around me to make me feel safe like you do for her. I can’t make you wipe my tears away and promise me that everything will be okay. I cant make you say my name in the sweetest way.I can’t make you love me… Because I’m not her. I’ll never be her.

 

It hurts so much because I’m not her.

 

I’ll never be as graceful as she can be. I’ll never have her pretty face. I’ll never be as desirable as her. I’ll never have that carefree, fun attitude you’ve always wanted. I’ll never be as brave as her. I’ll never have you loving every little thing about me, the way you do for her.

 

And it’s killing me. It’s killing me that I cant ever make you happy the way she does. I just want to see that smile playing on your lips. But I cant. Only one person can bring that out. And I’m not her..

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